A non-promoting, yet non-biased view on steroids, about "roid rage"
You know, I’ve read so many opinions on “Roid Rage”; but they all basically, are stuck in the same rut. Occasionally, one “free thinker” stands out from the rest; and has something insightful and informative to say, without attacking others’ opinions. Guys who have taken one single cycle, and think “they’re in”, with the experienced Juicers; who are all “Chemical Experts”, and talk smack to the “rookies”. They generally give their “Roid Philosophy”, based on their entire 2 or less years’ experience, on how to “properly damage one’s body”. Most people learn how to “properly” do steroids, by trial and error; and do un-repairable “damage”; before they learn the “right way” of doing it. No-one who has a shred of pride, admits that, of course. They all profess to doing meticulous research, and leaving no stone unturned; before taking roids for the first time. I’m not a “non-user”, who feels that he has to attack steroid users; but I feel that since I have up-close-and-personal experienced with “hitting rock-bottom” with steroids, and I’m still alive today, by some miracle, then I think I’ve earned the right to express my opinion. The recovery process, has been a long, very long ordeal; that has brought me to the end of my rope many times. Today, after 13 years since my last injection, I must get a Test injection once a month (monitored by my doctor); to give my body what it needs, because it can no longer produce it itself.
I agree that if you’re a naturally aggressive person, roids will enhance that. If you naturally have a tendency to “blow up” easily, roids will most likely enhance that; and turn you into a tyrannical psycho. If you’re the kind of guy who bottles everything up, and never vents any anger, your eventual blow-ups become much more intense. Those guys who are normally laid-back, and balanced emotionally; may not exhibit many, or any signs of “roid rage”. The “cause” of “roid rage”, is a very extensive, and broad area to consider; when trying to “pin the tail on the donkey”. People have a natural compulsion, to slap labels on things, and explain everything; so it all makes sense to them. The infinite number of possibilities to the “cause” of one’s “roid rage”, makes it virtually impossible to nail down “THE” cause. Many people have “substance sensitivities”, that when subjected to them, through injection, ingestion, touching, smelling, or even the “energy in a particular room”, they have a “allergic-like” reaction, that can cause countless symptoms. Someone having a reaction to “wheat”, may feel depression, anger, or anxiety, after eating it. I know someone, whose intense anger subsided, after not eating “sugar” for 3 days. These “substance sensitivities” can’t be confirmed through blood-tests; but a simple “arm muscle-test”, can confirm if the “substance” being tested, weakens your body’s energy system; therefore also weakening your physical strength. The points I’m trying to make: (1) the roid user, may have a sensitivity to that particular steroid; and it would add to the symptoms (2) even though roids do, in many cases, cause “roid rage”, the “rage” may be caused by any substance a person is sensitive to. Steroids is not always the culprit.
I’ve read someone make the statement “...the steroids were good for me… and I recommend them to anybody”. Performance Enhancers aren’t for “anyone”; in my opinion, and experience. That’s a non-judgemental, non-biased opinion. The users who got what they “needed” from steroids, will naturally have nothing but good things to say about them; and some even viciously counter-attack anyone who challenges their beliefs about steroids. No two people on Earth, have identical DNA, or identical body chemistry; so every“body” will have their own unique reactions, to every different roid they try. So it is normal, and expected, that everyone will have a different angle on roids. So it’s obviously almost impossible for two separate users, to agree on “what steroids do”; and any attempt to do that, in the Talk-Forums, is a waste of time. Some new juicers do not fully recognize that they no longer are the same person; and some do not recognize that their anger intensity has gone up a lot. It’s like a subconscious self-denial. Some don’t really remember their anger levels, before the roids; and just assume that their “anger” is the same as it was before the Juice. They may not notice a change; but everyone else around that guy, did notice the dramatic “white-to-black” transmutation. To all of the guy’s family members, and friends; that guy is no-longer the person they knew. It’s comparable to “Anican Skywalker becoming Darth Vader”.
“Personality type” is one obvious contributor, to one’s so-called “roid rage”. Some types of guys, never vent their anger; even when it is the normal, “healthy” thing to do. They bottle it all up; and it builds up, till there is no longer room inside, and they “explode” like an A-Bomb. Those guys can be very unpredictable and dangerous, when their already “irrational” and “emotional” personality, becomes enhanced by the steroids. When this kind of guy, overly touchy and paranoid, becomes a juicer, he may be dangerous to all, including himself; if he perceives that you, or anyone, has “insulted” and/or “disrespected” him. Being naturally psychotic, and adding steroids to it, this person has a high probability of harming someone, and/or himself. When this person thinks you “dissed” him, he becomes the Incredible Hulk; goes “postal” on you, and wants to pound you into a fine powder.
Then, there’s the more mellow, laid-back guy; who has a short-fuse, and never holds back his anger. The difference between this guy, and the other guy, this guy will at least scream in your face; whereas the other guy will attack you from behind with a pick-axe. I’d rather deal with the second guy, and have spit all over my face; at least with this guy, you don’t have to grow eyes on the back of your head. The first guy, having his already intense anger enhanced with steroids, will not accept an “I’m sorry”, even if it is sincere; and will hold a grudge for the rest of eternity. He may deceptively show that he’s OK with you, and as soon as he has an opportunity, insults you in front of an “audience”; to bate you into fighting him. His “naturally” persistent anger level never goes away, but intensifies; but it has to build up inside, before he explodes. The second guy, even though he’s in a crazed psychotic state, you can easily “disarm” him by saying “I’m sorry”; and a few days later, he’s your best buddy again. He never holds a grudge.
The issue, that every roid user eventually learns, is that now that he is dependant on roids, he can never stop taking them; for fear of having his years of “hard-earned” muscle mass, wither away, and he’ll start looking like a leper. And like a Heroin addict, who gets physically sick after the effects of his last high wears off, and he is in need of another fix, the roid user will begin feeling bad, and worse still, after three or more months of “steroid sobriety”. When this feeling begins to make ex-users feel like they are slowly dying, they often go back on the steroids. The fear of this “feeling of withering away”, far exceeds the fear of “the long-term effects”. I’ve heard about many guys, who ended up in a mental institution; claiming that they felt that insanity was close to completely overwhelming them.
There are many who have taken only one cycle, but speak as “authority figures” on the subject of Steroids. The guys who are authority figures, are the ones who have felt “being on top of the world”, to experiencing feeling like “a walking corpse”; after having no choice, but to stop using, or die. That’s most often the point where a user has to come to, in order to stop using steroids; to stop, or die. Those guys (the “authority figures” on steroids), who were once where “roid rookies” are now, experienced the strokes, heart attacks, damage to organs, brain damage, the intense negative emotions that landed them into mental wards, and the pain and anguish that they inflicted on their friends, and family for many years. As the common pattern goes; users must “hit rock-bottom”, before getting their wakeup-call, that steroids can be detrimental to everyone.
One can defend his roid-use all he wants for now; but steroids is a “lifetime commitment”, that he is now a “prisoner” to; he can no longer turn back, till he has his “train reck”, and his mind and body start breaking down. Because, at the moment, he’d rather face a tragic future years-away, than face many scary withdrawal symptoms, and living through his body’s very slow recovery process; which can keep anyone at the brink of insanity, at most times. Before this healing process begins, his body’s muscle-mass will rapidly deteriorate; till he cannot go down any further. He sees his body shrinking; and he obsesses, every single minute of every day, how he used to look. Now, looking into the mirror, at the “wraith” looking back at him, is an everyday “traumatic and disturbing” thing. He remembers the “Superman” feeling, that he knows he’ll never ever feel again; and it really beats down his morale every day; making it hard to even get out of bed. He feels like going into a deep sleep, and only awake when the nightmare is over. It’s inevitable; sooner or later, when his body can’t take it anymore, the nightmare will begin. It has taken me thirteen years, of medications to treat my depression, anxiety, and psychosis; and years of “alternative” healing methods, to rebuild my mind and body; to a point where I can honestly say “I’m happy to be alive”. Now, there will no-doubt be many guys, who will defiantly express their anger at my statements, to maintain and assert their delusional feelings of “dominance over Nature’s Laws” and invulnerability to them, and bullets; because of feeling like I’m attacking them. That is by no means true. And just bear in mind; I was once in your place.
The “Embarrassment of MLB”, Jose Canseco, tried, after 25 years of using, to get off roids; they even made it into a one-hour documentary. He knows just about everything there is to know about steroids; but even he, could not escape the intense deteriorating of his mind, and body. He’s lost everything he’s ever owned, due to steroids; he said, and I quote, “there is no doubt in my mind, that it is due to steroids, that I have lost everything I’ve ever worked hard for”. After being off steroids for 4-5 months (as part of the Documentary), blood tests were done to determine his Testosterone levels; he was shown to having the Test-level of a prepubescent girl. In the end (after he got paid, for the documentary), he could no longer take the mental torture, and the rapid deteriorating of his body; and got caught trying to smuggle steroids across the Mexican border. He realized then and there, that he will die as a user.
There is another contributing facture, to “roid rage”, that nobody is considering; and that’s “Earth Energies”. Referred to as Geopathic Stress, it has nothing to do with steroids; but these harmful energies affect us all the time. There is Beneficial Energy, and Detrimental Energy; one weakens the body, and causes countless negative things in the mind and body, and the other strengthens the body’s energy system, and enhances one’s “positive energy”. Being over-exposed to detrimental energy for long periods, causes a subtle, not noticeable, emotional and physical break-down. So, someone’s “anger” gets amplified by steroids; also, if in addition, he is sleeping in “Detrimental Energy” going through his bed (where we spend one-third of our lives), the build-up of “stress” can very easily trigger “anger”. This “edgy” symptom can be caused by the over-exposure to Geopathic Stress. The Earth energies affect us, as much as we affect them; and they create a build-up of energy, which can keep someone in a bad emotional state. There are many people who attack and/or mock whatever they do not understand; specially, when it threatens their belief system. Don’t be that guy! If anyone is interested in learning how to “immune” themselves to most of these harmful energies, I recommend a book called“Dowsing: A Path To Enlightenment”.
I see, in steroid forums, a lot of guys either agreeing, or disagreeing with one-another; I rarely see someone express any independent and/or helpful thoughts, that do not “approve”, nor “disapprove” someone else’s “expert” remarks; who have a “need” for approval.
Looking like Superman, and having his super-strength, does not mean one is “healthy”. When overloading the body with massive amounts of steroids, there is a damaging chain-reaction always in progress. Our body naturally produces the amount of Test our body requires; except for the 5% ; who are born testosterone deficient. When a guy starts down the “roid path”, pumping unnatural quantities of Test in the body, he is telling his body, that it no-longer needs to produce any Test; because the body is getting it from another source. So the body shuts down, any part which is no-longer needed. So, by shutting down his body’s ability to produce Test, he is now fully committed, and fully dependant on the roids. Sadly, the day he decides to stop taking roids, that will be his one, of two choices; keep taking it, and die; or stop using, and have maybe a 40% chance of getting through the next years of mental anguish. People will treat him as a freak, because he will become a freak; skinny and frail-looking like a Holocaust survivor, yellow skinned, no energy, very intense negative emotional states, and a mere shadow of who he used to be. When he was bulked up, he had many friends; but when he deteriorates, he changes mentally; and no-longer fits in with anyone. He is now alone, in his little world. His so-called friends begin treating him as an outcast, and they no-longer feel comfortable around him; and who can blame them? He is now worse-off, than he was, before he stuck that needle in his butt-cheek. Now, every time he looks in the mirror, he compares his image to what it used to be; and sees the walking-dead looking back at him. The guys in this position, often wish they could wrap their lips around the receiving end of a .44 Magnum. As he very slowly heals in very small increments; his body will begin to show signs of healing. It’s such a slow, gradual process; and even though his body starts looking healthier, his energy levels, and his mental instability will still be very poor for a long time. It’s my experience, that one’s family members, and others, don’t understand that even though he’s “looking better”, he still can’t function like a normal person; working a full-time job, doing activities that are physically demanding, and interacting normally with others. To everyone, he appears to be lazy, he does not want to work, doesn’t want to commit to any responsibilities, and he’s weak-minded; most often, that is not true. It’s now my 13th year of recovery; and I’m slowly reintegrating into Society, and once again, becoming a productive member. Now, my experience was “my own unique experience”; to address those guys who will feel compelled to lash out at my “take on things”. Of course, no other person’s experience with steroids, will be the same as mine! I ask those guys to try to keep your objectivity; and keep everything into perspective. Those who feel that this is an attack on their “addiction”, you may be a bit too paranoid; and need a “pill” for that.
When his “steroid-virgin-body” is in relatively good shape, steroids enable him to experience the highest high he’s ever going to experience; but as his body begins breaking down piece by piece, he will soon experience the lowest low of his life. Taking steroids is most often indicative of a low self-esteem; the roids are used to treat the person’s problems (being small, muscle dysmorphia, being weak physically and/or mentally, not looking right, etc.), and not used to treat the “cause” of not being capable of accepting those aspects of himself. Resorting to steroid use, is in most cases, a desperate and irrational decision to make. Steroid usage, is not much different than resorting to drugs, alcohol, smoking, over-eating, gambling, feeling a “need” to get tattoos (although some people just like them; and get them for that reason). Most usage of “addictive substances”, are initiated by a need to “self-medicate” one’s anxiety, depression, sadness, etc. What causes the anxiety, depression, or anger, are past unresolved emotional incidents. And anyone can resolve those incidents (with a technique called EFT), and the negative emotions “vanish”; and if the emotion needing to be “numbed” is no longer there, then there is no longer a need for the addictive substance. So one can then stop using the addictive substance; only having a few days of withdrawals and cravings, to deal with; actually, EFT can be used to get rid of “cravings” too. If the unwanted emotion is no longer there, then one no-longer wants/needs to self-medicate. Addictions are not due to a mental “disease”; as many experts in Psychology teach; there’s simply a need to “numb” unwanted emotions, by using those “tranquilizers”. Using roids, is not quite the same; but a guy’s “need” to take them, is not always necessarily to “gain something”, but to “get rid of something”. There are exceptions to that, of course. Some are just die-hard athletes, and want to improve their game; when they’ve exhausted every other option.
If a guy feels, like a big man inside a small man’s body, he wishes to become freakishly strong, he feels compelled to sculpt his body into a huge symmetrically-perfect Greek deity statue, he feels a need to over-compensate for his feelings of “inadequacy”, he wants much more energy, he wants to fit-in and be accepted by “others”, he wants to be able to accept himself, he wants to be the “popular guy”, he likes the thought of people envying him, he feels compelled to create a more powerful version of himself, from the feeling of having “no power”, and because he is weak-minded. Whatever his reason(s) is/are, for using steroids, it’s most likely going to cost him dearly; so he’d better enjoy it, while it lasts! I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, what I had to endure; for selling my soul to the “steroid gods”. If you love your life, and feel that the steroids are enhancing the quality of life for you, then keep your balls to the wall; and live life to the fullest right now, with no concerns of what tomorrow will bring. Or, if you feel that the steroids are ruining your life, no matter what you do, then I suggest you cut your losses, clean up, wheather the storm, and come out of it a better person. Whatever you choose, good luck!
Good post. Appreciated.
Might want to take out all the quotation marks for highlighted words and use bold print instead.
As eric said, your post is appreciated, and I enjoyed reading some of what you have written.
I do have to say that there is a lot that I disagree with in there, most notably the part where you paint steroid users as lifetime drug addicts. This is far from the truth, but I can see how it can be true for some who partake in using aas. As you clearly pointed out in the beginning of your post, one effect of aas is to heighten some pre-existing problems you may already have. If a perticular person has an addictive personality, then I can see this happening.
But on the flip side of that coin, I know many responsible users who do not suffer from this affliction, and have not had any problems doing a few cycles, and calling it quits, or as is the case with me, taking breaks for a year or more in between cycles.
There is a fine line between use, and abuse, and if your contemplating using, you need to know where that line is.
As for your last paragraph, all I can say is, if those are your reasons for using aas, you should not be using them at all.
oh and by the by, that entire post was biased, how could it not be?
I couldn't agree more hrdgain81. It's been more than a couple years since I went off of them. And I did more than a few cycles. To be honest, I find that some of the overly heavy lifts I was doing left me with injuries that were and still are harder to deal with than the thought of not being as big as I once was. Who cares, I'm thankful that I don't have to undergo TRT and I want to keep it that way. I'll just keep it natural from this point forward. Nothing at all against the guys that still wanna use them. Hell, I was there, it's just not my thing anymore.
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