Counting Calories

[Darkhorse]

Sexercise For Losing Calories:

For many years it has been noted that sex was
actually good exercise but, until now, nobody
had made a scientific study of the caloric content
of different sexual activities. Now after
considerable research, we are proud to present the
results.

Removing Her Clothing:
With her consent ............ 12 Calories
Without her consent ....1,287 Calories

Opening Her Bra:
With both hands ............... 8 Calories
With one hand .................12 Calories
With your teeth ............ 485 Calories
With false teeth .......... 1,346 Calories

Putting On A Condom:
With an erection ............... 6 Calories
Without an erection ..... 3,315 Calories

Sexual Positions:
Missionary ....................12 calories
Standing .....................178 calories
On the kitchen table .........812 Calories
Doggy style ..................816 calories
(With barking & yelping) .....826 calories
Swinging from a chandelier ... 2,912 Calories

Orgasms:
Real .........................112 calories
Fake .......................1,315 calories
Post Coital:
Lying in bed hugging .........18 calories
Getting up immediately .......36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately
..... 816 Calories

Attempting "Round 2" if you are:
20-29 years ...................36 calories
30-39 years ...................80 Calories
40-49 years ................. 124 Calories
50-59 years ............... 1,972 Calories
60-69 years ........ ...... 7,916 Calories
70 and over .....Don't even think about it

Dressing Afterwards:
Calmly................32 Calories
In a hurry........... 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door
......5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door
.....13,521 Calories

Results may vary.

[hrdgain81]

Opening Her Bra:
With both hands ............... 8 Calories
With one hand .................12 Calories
With your teeth ............ 485 Calories
With false teeth .......... 1,346 Calories

how about ripping through it with your teeth? i'm not a fan of clasps

[verbatimreturned]

This should be a sticky, just for reference purposes

[Dr X]

I know funny and that is funny.

[Kane]

What if she has edible lingerie? Would the calories used to take them off be more than the calories you'd get from eating them?