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05-09-2008, 07:20 PM
| #72 (permalink) |
| Rank: Bantamweight  Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Somewhere in the USA
Posts: 839
Country: 
Gender:  |  I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one lady in front of me. An Asian lady who was trying to exchange Yen for Dollars and she was a little irritated . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat Dolla fo Yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations". The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too".  Classified Ads FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little jerk Bites! FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother, AKC German Shepherd Father, Super Dog.able to leap tall fences in a single bound. FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also one gay bull for sale. NORDIC TRACK $300 - Hardly used, call Chubby. GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents lb. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. And the best one: FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything. |
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05-09-2008, 07:21 PM
| #73 (permalink) |
| Rank: Bantamweight Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Somewhere in the USA
Posts: 839
Country:
Gender: | There is a married couple who for all their married years have done it with the lights off. The woman,who thinks this is a ridiculous tradition wants to mix it up,suggests doing it with the lights on. So the couple is in the middle of a wild,passionate,screaming love session, when the woman happens to look down and sees her husband holding a massive vibrator.She is outraged."so all this years you've been lieing to me?How are you going to explain this." Her husband looks her in the eyes and calmly says "I'll explain if you explain the kids |
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07-19-2008, 03:54 PM
| #74 (permalink) |
| Rank: Member Experience: > 1 Year  Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: High point NC
Posts: 50
Country:
Gender: | There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, the old man "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." and he stopped." "Except what?" "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me ! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" the businessman asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" "Ahh, but you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. Businessman "I'll take it!" The old man resisted, saying "it wasn't for sale", but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say... "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said: "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!" |
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07-21-2008, 06:25 PM
| #75 (permalink) |
| Rank: Member Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 464
| Here's mine. A married man goes out to fish every single Saturday, he has for the past 20 years. One day, he looks out the open front door, fishing rod in hand, and see's it's pouring, so bad that he sees the neighbors kids are being swept away. He decides he'd better skip out this time, and heads back to bed. As he lays down, his wife, who's back is to him, says, "Can you believe my idiot husband is fishing in this weather?" Hahahaha.....Keeps laughing...hahahaha!! Man, that's funny, Joker, and Twiztid! Joker, were those ads real?! |
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07-21-2008, 11:31 PM
| #77 (permalink) | |
| Rank: Member Experience: > 1 Year  Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: california
Posts: 214
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Archery
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