There was this businessman who was getting
ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his
wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try
to get her something to keep her occupied while he
was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of
her screwing someone else. So he went to a store
that sold sex toys and started looking around. He
thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was
too close to another man for him. He was browsing
through the dildos, looking for something special to
please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, I don't really know
of anything that will do the trick. We have
vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her
occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but
there is the 'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he
asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and
pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange
symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very
ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and
said "Big freaking deal. It looks like every other
dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen
what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said
"Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of
its box, darted over to the door, and started
screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.
Before the door could split, the old man said
"Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick
stopped, floated back to the box and lay there,
quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for
sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do
was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his
trip satisfied that things would be fine while he
was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was
unbearably horny. She thought of several people who
would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered
the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo
dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch
and started pumping. It was great, like nothing
she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms,
she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it
out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She
tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it
off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if
they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the
car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering
with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another
orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her
license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she
hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was
stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The
officer looked at her for a second, and then said
"Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
