Dont beat yourself up about the deadlifts, honestly if I hit rep PR's for bench and squat, you wouldnt even see me deadlifting. although, I stay away from doing the major compounds on the same day anyway, I always feel like I'm so taxed after hitting heavy bench, squat, deads, that I cant safely do the others afterward.

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I don't do this for my family, my friends, women, accolades, pride, or ego. I do it for me and no one else, its just part of who I am.