Anyone have any opinions on what phase Cancer should be in before taking creatine, or perhaps which magnetic pole to face?

Not for nothing, but it isn't so powerful that any of this would matter. I mean, if you were talking about gaining ten lbs of muscle mass if you take it after dinner or one lb before breakfast, THEN you would have reason to sweat it...

Man, don't even know how to say this without sounding bitter or whatever, so take it with a grain of salt... For a 16 year old with seemingly little or no training experience, taking creatine is just pissing money away when there are so many gains to be made through honest work. If you are 16 and can't find the energy to make it through an honest hour's worth of work, you don't need creatine, you need to get in shape.

...um, feel free to replace that age with any that you can think of, and the same rule holds true.