Thread: Alcohol
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Old 11-11-2008, 06:55 AM
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pimpsticky pimpsticky is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 199
Default The belly comes from calories, but as for the titties...

Beer HAS been proven to grow man-titties, BUT only when combined with activities such as, but not limited to:

1) Watching gay movies or chick flicks (unless your in the company of a hot chick; and by watching said movie, your chances of getting ass are increased)

2) Consuming the beer with your pinky out (unless your in the company of a hot chick; and by performing said activity, your chances of getting ass are increased)


3) Consuming Zima and considering it to be a beer (unless your in the company of a hot chick; and by performing said activity, your chances of getting ass are increased)


4) Drinking any type of a wine-cooler, (unless your in the company of a hot chick; and by drinking said wine-cooler, your chances of getting ass are increased)

5) Consuming the beer while listening to Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, Hannah Montanah... well, you get the picture. No hot chick makes this acceptable... and if you think she does than she's too young... pervert!

6) Knitting or baking cupcakes (unless your in the company of a hot chick; and by drinking said wine-cooler, your chances of getting ass are increased)


Now don't worry... these situations can spring up out of nowhere and sometimes, even the best of us find ourselves stuck in one. There is remedy, if acted upon quick enough.

Should you notice yourself in one of these situations, proceed immediately to the nearest replay of Mike Ditka and the 1985 Chicago Bears. Within 5 minutes, you should feel your titties shrinking back down. If you're not fortunate enough to have a replay nearby, then immerse yourself in one or more of the following activities for at least 5 minutes:

1) Find the nearest Squat Rack and get in. These are surrounded with Estrogen-Proof force fields that will protect you indefinitely!
2) Drink Scotch, Whiskey, Bourbon or Tequila
3) Listen to Metalica's And Justice for All, or anything by Rage Against the Machine.
4) Get in a fight (but only with a complete dickhead that's your size or larger... he had to start it... and you have to win)
5) Log into Bodybuilding.Net for at least 30 seconds. Bodybuilding.Net emits specific Gamma Rays that can eradicate you of all gayness and man-titty producing variables
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