Go Back   Bodybuilding.net - Bodybuilding Forum > General Discussion > Open Conversation


Jokes



Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #51  
Old 06-14-2005, 07:48 PM
BG5150's Avatar
BG5150 BG5150 is offline
Rank: Bantamweight
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 875
Send a message via AIM to BG5150
Default

A guy, new in town walks into the local tavern. On the bar is a pickle jar full of 5's. He asks the bartender, "Hey, are those your tips? If so, I want a job here!"
The bartender says: "No. I have a horse out back. You put 5 bucks in the jar and if you can make him laugh, you can have the whole thing."
The new guy says, "Good enough." he puts a fin in the jar and goes out back. In a minute the horse is laughing like anything. The guy comes out, grabs the money and says, "Thank you very much."

A month later the guy goes back tot he bar. This time there are two jars filled with tens. he says to the bartender: "What's this for? Do I have to make him laugh again?"
"No," say the barkeep, "you have to make him cry."
"good enough our patron says. He goes in the back, and a minute later the horse is bawling his eyes out. The guy comes back, grabs the cash and is about to leave.
The bartender says, "Whoa buddy. You gotta tell me how you did that! That first contest was going on for months and no one was able to make that horse crack a smile. Then after you did it there must have been a hundred people go back there and not even a misty eye. Pelase tell me your secret."
"Okay," the guy says. "The first time I went back there and told him my cock was bigger than his." pause. "The second time I showed him."
__________________
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
Are you eating while you are reading this? You should be... --hrdgain81
Remember, kids, if you type well the Grammar Fairy will leave a quarter under your pillow.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Well, the Blog's (finally) back (again!):
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Here is my newly-created World of Warcraft Blog:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
. Feel free to stop by and comment.

Reply With Quote
  #52  
Old 06-30-2005, 06:09 AM
hrdgain81's Avatar
hrdgain81 hrdgain81 is offline
Rank: Light Heavyweight
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,713
Default

so yesterday I'm in the bank, and this old guy in a white coat is filling out a deposit slip. I look over and he has a name tag that says doctor tweller, and he seems to be having a hard time filling out the form.

so I lean over, and he is trying to write with a thermometor. So, as tactfully as possible, I say to him quietly, doc, thats a thermometor, not a pen. he looks puzzled for a second, smiles and says "god dammit, then some asshole has my good pen"
__________________
I don't do this for my family, my friends, women, accolades, pride, or ego. I do it for me and no one else, its just part of who I am.
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 07-01-2005, 10:29 AM
Dr X's Avatar
Dr X Dr X is offline
Rank: Lightweight
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: in the deep recesses of your mind
Posts: 1,094
Default

A tour bus driver is driving a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times. After the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth - they are not able to chew them.

"Then why do you buy them?" he asks puzzled. The old lady answers,
"We just love the chocolate around them.".............
__________________
The Fool say in his heart "There is no God"
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 07-01-2005, 10:34 AM
Dr X's Avatar
Dr X Dr X is offline
Rank: Lightweight
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: in the deep recesses of your mind
Posts: 1,094
Default

A tour bus driver is driving a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times. After the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth - they are not able to chew them.

"Then why do you buy them?" he asks puzzled. The old lady answers,
"We just love the chocolate around them.".............
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 07-01-2005, 05:20 PM
verbatimreturned verbatimreturned is offline
Rank: Lightweight
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 1,372
Default

lmfao funny but disgusting
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 07-11-2005, 06:32 AM
hrdgain81's Avatar
hrdgain81 hrdgain81 is offline
Rank: Light Heavyweight
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,713
Default

here is a little hardgain brain teaser for ya.

you are out at a bar one night, get sloshed, go home with some chick. when you wake up in her one story apartment and you look around in amazement. you hadnt noticed in your drunken stuper, but all the walls of the apartment are bright green, the windows are bright green, the floor is bright green ... you start to wonder what prize you picked up last night. the bathroom is all bright green, the toilet, the shower head, even the bed posts that you had been tied too last night are bright green. the only question remains is ... what color are the steps?
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 07-11-2005, 06:45 PM
Badger's Avatar
Badger Badger is offline
Rank: Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: SoCal
Posts: 55
Default

They could be bright green if you're hungover enough. But in a one story apartment, I'd be a little nervous if I even saw any steps.
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 07-11-2005, 06:49 PM
Darkhorse Darkhorse is offline
Rank: Light Heavyweight
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 4,174
Send a message via Yahoo to Darkhorse
Default

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't told her twice...
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 07-11-2005, 08:03 PM
Badger's Avatar
Badger Badger is offline
Rank: Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: SoCal
Posts: 55
Default

I saw Michael Jackson in the Super Walmart tonight.


I guess he heard young men's jeans were half off.
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 07-12-2005, 06:24 AM
BG5150's Avatar
BG5150 BG5150 is offline
Rank: Bantamweight
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 875
Send a message via AIM to BG5150
Default

Okay,since we're on MJ:

Did you hear MJ is doing a cover of an Elton John song? "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me"
Reply With Quote
Reply

  Bodybuilding.net - Bodybuilding Forum > General Discussion > Open Conversation


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes



 



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:15 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.