With guys, when it comes to this kind of thing there are two kinds of "damage control". One is a typical male need to keep the woman calm and try to not let her get too upset or "damaged". You know cause women are so emotional and needy. She might not survive a breakup with a strong, awesome dude like me. I don't want that on my concious, etc. You get what I'm talking about here.
Then there's the type of damage control your ex is doing.
The funny thing is they both come from a lack of respect of you. But there are different kinds of respect. One thing you may be able to take from this is the POWER he's invested in you. He obviously doesn't see you as the weak little female. In fact he has put himself in the position of the weak and powerless. Kind of the definition of "victim" isn't it? There is a certain kind of fucked up respect built into that along with a lack of respect and self esteem in regards to himself. It's funny that someone can disrespect you and respect you at the same time but they can. Because we don't respect the person, we respect aspects of the person. Whether we always know it or not.
Ideally we would want someone to care more about their relationship with us than with their "status" with others. And maybe have that kind of respect that makes him see you as strong but also important. So that ultimately he cares more about neither of you being needlessly marred without actually investing unhealthy doses of power in one or the other. A relationship of equals, that, if it must end, ends as equals.
And that happens pretty much never. Like some of the others said it really doesn't matter who's too blame. But I don't think that is why you seek to understand why he does what he does. I think it is part of the process that helps you move on.
Understanding that whatever type of damage he trys to inflict on you and however much he tries to preserve himself from damage it says just as much and PROBABLY more about him than it does about you. And the fact that it wasn't all that long-term a relationship even says more, IMO. It fulfills some type of need and that need was there before you even got together. And as said, probably a completely unconcious one. I doubt he's thinking it through or ratinalizing. He's just reacting instinctually. You don't need to agree with it, forgive it, or even care about it. But there's nothing wrong with trying to understand it. That is part of coming to terms with and learning from things and also part of finding peace with them.
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If you act sanctimonious I will just list out your logical fallacies until you get pissed off and spew blasphemous remarks.
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