Need "Mature" Male Input Please
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11-21-2007, 11:28 AM
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Rank: Bantamweight
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 696
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitysister
some people just don't work...and it's nobody's fault.
hrdgain is teh rightz.
not an ego thing either i don't think.
maybe you should try e-harmony...i've had a lot of family/friends get hooked up and actually get married off of there and be really happy. nice to have them do some footwork for ya...
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internet dating? That's not quite my cup of tea. ;)
Besides, getting a date is kinda the last thing on my mind right now.
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11-21-2007, 11:37 AM
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Rank: Bantamweight
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 696
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 0311
Bingo! All this going back and forth between the two of you takes time out of your day. You really shouldn't bother sticking up for yourself and show him that what he's doing warrents a second out of your day. If it's over, its over. Your friends and family will obviously be on your side. The problem with the arguing over who did what to whom is that it still leaves everything out there (aka "hope"). It's the same thing as going back to his place once a week and say, "Oh, I forgot my coffee machine." Or calling each other after a few days being single. When you decide to move on, there's no being friends.. Not to mention zero contact. The faster you move out and the faster you erase his number, the faster you can get your life back in balance. I've told a lot of people that the only way you're going to enjoy life is to be completely selfish and only care about what happens to you.
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Number erased... check. He kept my phone.
Moved out... check. And going back for things is pretty much out of the question. The night I left, I grabbed as much as I could and told him I'd be back in a couple of days to get the rest. When I got out there, he'd already packed for me. In other words, I was only allowed to take what he'd LET me take. He kept all of my supplements (which he doesn't even work out so it's not like he'll even use them). He went through one of the suitcases I already had packed with clothes so that he could govern what clothes I could have. He kept random things like a shirt he bought me. A tee I got at a biker rally. Some of my photoshoot clothes. Then of all that stuff I had packed that he'd let me keep, he tossed them in a box just so I couldn't have my suitcase.
Real mature, eh? Guess it's a good thing I didn't have any furniture anymore.
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11-21-2007, 11:40 AM
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Rank: Bantamweight
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 696
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Thanks for all the input, guys.
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11-21-2007, 11:42 AM
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Rank: New Member
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: The South
Posts: 48
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Just to qualify….I’m 32.
This is a total defense mechanism on his part. When I was many years younger, I had a dated a girl for almost five years. Neither of us could stand each other when we broke up, but, she broke up with me. I, unfortunately, did the same thing your ex did. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about things. Anything that I thought would make her look like trash, I kept saying. Looking back, I’m totally embarrassed and wish I had done things differently.
The best thing for your ex is for him to find someone new, and quickly. It’s amazing how things will change. If he falls in love, he’ll keep his mouth shut. If he’s not, he’ll still keep his mouth because he probably doesn’t want to be alone.
Fortunately for you, most of the people he’s yapping to can see through his barrage of insults and won’t give him a second thought.
Offer to get back together with him and he will probably stop as well. It’s all just a male ego thing.
__________________
He's 6-5, with the afro 6-9. 4 Million dollars a year sure..but he's worth every penny. PsychJES, he defines grace under pressure.
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11-21-2007, 11:58 AM
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Rank: Bantamweight
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 696
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoJES
Just to qualify….I’m 32.
This is a total defense mechanism on his part. When I was many years younger, I had a dated a girl for almost five years. Neither of us could stand each other when we broke up, but, she broke up with me. I, unfortunately, did the same thing your ex did. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about things. Anything that I thought would make her look like trash, I kept saying. Looking back, I’m totally embarrassed and wish I had done things differently.
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I can only hope he'll end up realizing how he's been acting.
Quote:
The best thing for your ex is for him to find someone new, and quickly. It’s amazing how things will change. If he falls in love, he’ll keep his mouth shut. If he’s not, he’ll still keep his mouth because he probably doesn’t want to be alone.
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That's a HUGE thing with him. He so afraid of being alone. At times it seemed as though he only wanted me around just to HAVE someone there. And I told him that.
If he found someone new soon, that'd be the absolute BEST thing for him. And for me. Get him off my back.
Quote:
Fortunately for you, most of the people he’s yapping to can see through his barrage of insults and won’t give him a second thought.
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Luckily, the people he's been lying to are people that I could really care less about. They're people that have had a jaded opinion of me anyway, so they're eating it up.
The people that are close to me that he's conacted with things about how he 'still loves me' and 'doesn't know what happened' and all that, know the real story. Like my mom. I still can't believe he contacted her trying to get some pity from her. She pretty much told him she wasn't buying it. So now he's bashing her to those unsavory people. It's sad.
Quote:
Offer to get back together with him and he will probably stop as well. It’s all just a male ego thing.
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There's NO way I'm going to make him think he has a shot at fixing things
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11-21-2007, 12:28 PM
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Rank: New Member
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: The South
Posts: 48
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The general rule of thumb, at least is was when I was getting my Master’s degree, is to wait anywhere between one year to 18 months between ending a relationship of more than one year and starting a new one. Some of us feel that a person shouldn’t even go out on a date, others feel it’s okay. I tend to lean towards flying solo for a while in order to drop the excess baggage. The cliché is “finding yourself.” And that’s kinda true. Your into bodybuilding so that’s an excellent way to get alone and focus on something other than someone else.
Bodybuilding does wonders for the soul. I’ve been a bodybuilder for almost seventeen years and other than maybe the first two or three, I’ve always worked out alone. Just me and the weights. My mind 100% focused on moving the weight a few more inches. Eyes closed. Heart pounding. Outside thoughts, gone.
I say that to say this. Don’t worry about the jerk. You’re obviously a passionate bodybuilder. Keep it that way. I always felt invincible in the gym. Do the same. If he’s getting to you, hit the weights awhile. It’ll drive the guys more crazy knowing that you’d rather be alone than with him. That says more about the history of the relationship than anything else.
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11-21-2007, 12:41 PM
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Rank: Bantamweight
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 696
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychoJES
The general rule of thumb, at least is was when I was getting my Master’s degree, is to wait anywhere between one year to 18 months between ending a relationship of more than one year and starting a new one. Some of us feel that a person shouldn’t even go out on a date, others feel it’s okay. I tend to lean towards flying solo for a while in order to drop the excess baggage. The cliché is “finding yourself.” And that’s kinda true. Your into bodybuilding so that’s an excellent way to get alone and focus on something other than someone else.
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I usually end up with a pretty decent gap between relationships. Like you said, dropping the excess baggage.
Quote:
Bodybuilding does wonders for the soul. I’ve been a bodybuilder for almost seventeen years and other than maybe the first two or three, I’ve always worked out alone. Just me and the weights. My mind 100% focused on moving the weight a few more inches. Eyes closed. Heart pounding. Outside thoughts, gone.
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I'm the same way. Gym time is MY time. Time to focus on me and release some aggression
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I say that to say this. Don’t worry about the jerk. You’re obviously a passionate bodybuilder. Keep it that way. I always felt invincible in the gym. Do the same. If he’s getting to you, hit the weights awhile. It’ll drive the guys more crazy knowing that you’d rather be alone than with him. That says more about the history of the relationship than anything else.
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So true
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11-21-2007, 06:17 PM
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Rank: Lightweight
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: philly
Posts: 1,405
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dont worry iron kitten. i still love you
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11-21-2007, 06:50 PM
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Rank: Lightweight
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Somewhere in the USA
Posts: 1,184
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IronKitten
And btw, this guy is 35. So it's not a simple "he's young and stupid" kind of issue.
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You can be old and stupid to
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11-22-2007, 07:15 AM
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Rank: Bantamweight
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 696
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MONSTAFACE
dont worry iron kitten. i still love you
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Awwww
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