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What are your rep ranges?

Yeah. I actually tried to be conservative so as not to freak you out . I could have said 3700-3800 and not been far off. Remember diets in the 2000 calorie range are the "average guy" range of calories.

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If you act sanctimonious I will just list out your logical fallacies until you get pissed off and spew blasphemous remarks.

I deff. don't want to be on the "maintenance" calories.

Reps are kind of undecided. I have a general idea based on my random workouts in the past. I was thinking around 6-10. What do you guys think I should start out with based on my goals? I revised my first training plan based on your guys' suggestions:\

Sunday
Rest
Monday
Chest/Biceps
Flat Bench (4 sets)
Incline Dumbell (3 sets)
Decline Bench (3)
Barbell Curls (3)
Hammer Curls (3)
Cardio-IBUR 15 MIN
Tuesday
Quads/Hams
Squats (4)
Leg Press(3)
Leg Extensions (3)
Dumb bell lunge (3)
Seated Row (3)
Pulldowns (3)
Cardio-Rest
Wednesday
Rest
Cardio- IBUR 15 MIN
Thursday
Calves/Abs
Sitting Calve Raises (3)
Hip Flexor (3)
Crunch (3)
Twisting Crunch(3)
Yoga Crunch (3)
Cardio-Rest
Friday
Shoulders/Triceps
Seated press (4)
Dumbell Lateral Raise (3)
Dumbell Seated Real Lateral Raise (3)
Shrugs (3)
Skullcrushers (3)
Closed Grip Bench (3)
Cardio-IBUR 15 MIN
Saturday
Rest

Just MY opinion, but I wouldn't do a 5 day split if your lifts aren't around:

Bench: 300
Squat: 400
Deadlift: 500

I seriously believe that anyone starting off lifting, whether from a layoff or whatever else, should focus more on adding weight to the bar via hitting muscles 2-3 times a week (primarily full body), then focusing on the muscle itself.

I recommend reading Beyond Brawn, which this is all outlined in there.

For example, what's the difference between doing 3 sets of 10 bench press with 180 lbs vs. 3 sets of 10 with 250 lbs?.. A lot.

Also, the people who should be doing a 4-5 day split are the ones slinging serious amounts of iron, needing a lot more time than the average gym guy to recover from.

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The idea behind mentioning the maintenance calories was just as a starting place to decide how many calories you can take away and still cut fat. The less calories you can get away with removing the better chance for you to retain lean mass. And if you start out taking away a shitload of calories and then hit a plateau...in terms of diet where do you go? There's a limit to how slim your diet can be before you are losing WEIGHT instead of just losing fat.