50 reasons to lift Big Weights
By Dave Tate
Spending the last few weeks working on rehabilitation and getting my body ready for the next run makes you sit back and think about what you are missing out on. Spending most of my life in pursuit of bigger weights and lifting in well over 100 meets I have picked up a few things along the way. Since the article "Reasons to Get Big" I have been asked to write another one. Well without any future introduction, The 50 reasons to lift big weights.
1. Nothing better than a self inflected nose bleed
2. Blood shot eyes are better to look at.
3. It's the only time you can scream in Latin and everyone thinks it's cool.
4. A beanie hat indoors is cool. Well maybe not.
5. [*#$&*#!] stained underwear is the mark of a great workout.
6. Plates look better on the bar then they do in the rack.
7. The only time a cubic centimeter can make a huge difference.
8. Being bloated is a good thing.
9. A vein means you need to eat another Big Mac, or three.
10. Bending cheap bars is an honor.
11. Wearing tight polyester and canvas is better than spandex.
12. 1 heavy rep is much better than any set of 10.
13. Strip sets are what you call taking off your squat suit. Sometimes you need a few spotters to get those final extra reps.
14. Your definition of a good shirt is not a cotton silk blend with an alligator on it but a Metal logo with Velcro. Be careful you may find yourself at your brothers wedding pulling the front of your tux shirt down low and cinching your belt super tight to aid in the beer bong process.
15. A Rap has nothing to do with music but a special blend of rubber and cotton that can add more weight to your squat.
16. Letters like AD, A50,D,V,GH,TC all carry new meaning.
17. A PR is to live and die for.
18. A side stitch is what happens when you go to whip your ass.
19. A jolt is not a Cola.
20. Blown Blood vessels means you can still add more weight.
21. Being bald is the new look.
22. A bad back means it times to get a reverse hyper machine.
23. Any turd can superset concentration curls with one arm reverse grip supinated cable pressdowns.
24. Board Presses are a max effort movement not reading the paper between sets on bench presses.
25. Agility is bending over to get your ammonia caps out of your gym bag with your knee wraps on and suit straps up.
26. Blowing ass on your way to finishing a lift is known as doing whatever it tales to get the weight up.
27. Taking a hockey bag full of gear into the gym makes you feel like a pro athlete. Funny thing is my bag is bigger than the football bag I used to use to carry my helmet and shoulder pads in. Then again all I had to do was play ball, now I have to squat, bench press and dead lift.
28. A knobber is something you stick into you back to break up scar tissue.
29. The incline bench is the perfect place to rest between sets.
30. The dips bars are there to help you get your suit on.
31. A cable cross over machine is just.. in the damn way!
32. Mirrors are only to see what that funky thing is growing off the back of your neck.
33. Hot dogs are what you find on the back of your training partners head.
34. Stiff leg deadlifts standing on a flat bench and touching the bench. Give me a break! Real men stand on a 1/2 inch plate and load the bar to the max.
35. Who cares about dimes, nickels and chips? It's all about plates and quarters.
36. Every time you meet a veterinarian, you look at him in a whole new light.
37. Who needs carb drinks during training? You can now keep a sandwich in your bag for after you bench.
38. You know your tailor by first name but do not own a single sport coat or suit.
39. When someone asks about a new suit the furthest thing form your mind is brooks brothers.
40. Your choice of condom is anything triple ply with two layers and a short reservoir head.
41. Plates are not what you eat off of but what you place on the bar. You eat out of boxes and plastic and paper wrappers.
42. Wrestling shoes are now pulling shoes; Chucks are now squatting shoes and you have to bench in whatever you wore in the gym.
43. If you can put a band on it then it's gotta work and is just what you need!
44. You will have a whole other genre of music to listen to ranging from DMX to Dark Throne.
45. If someone is weaker than you, then they can't tell you anything. That is until you are speaking with someone who may be stronger than you then you know it all.
46. Your choice of gyms will reduced by 99% until you are training in your garage, tool shed or basement.
47. A brief is something with a Metal Logo on it. If the time comes when you ask your spouse to jack up the back of your underwear before you leave the house then you know you are lifting to many big weights
48. If someone has a stronger RAW bench then who cares your shirt bench is bigger. If someone has a bigger shirt bench, then who cares he gets a 300 pound carryover. Never forget the golden rule, you are always stronger, have better form and more knowledge than anyone else. * I'm sorry this may piss someone off but you have to admit that it is funny as hell.
49. Clamps should always go on bars, not nipples.
50. Lifting big is the only good excuse, outside of being an infant, to [*#$&*#!] your pants.
It is things like this that keep me coming back time and time again. The bottom line is a few hundreds on each side of the bar look better than a couple dimes.
If any of these slip your briefs under your belt or split your chest panel, relax we are just having fun.